i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
