before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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