theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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