I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
