no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
