She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
