Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
