I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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