Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize