I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
