my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
