i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
