she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
