Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
