you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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