Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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