She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
