one might say we're banned from that church
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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