I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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