this just has baby written all over it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
