i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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