I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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