We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
