Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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