I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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