I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
