tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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