Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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