So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
