ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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