They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
