I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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