Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
