As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
