You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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