I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize