he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
