Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
