Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
