My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
