foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
