please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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