1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
