the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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