Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
