I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
