Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize