I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize