i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
