Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just invented taco cereal.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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