So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
