and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
