She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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