hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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