Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no, he came in my armpit
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
