i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize