I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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