no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
