i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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