I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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