i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
