I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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