hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
