i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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