maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize