he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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