I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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