DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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