im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
