No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sex in a hospital.. check
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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