There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
