Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
