Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
