im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
