Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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