I'm drive I can fine osifer
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
