In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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